Love flows from not bottle nor breast, but from the heart...

We have all heard the breast is best debate when it comes to feeding a newborn baby. But there are many things this notion doesn’t take into account. For example, mental health!

From the beginning of our pregnancy I was adamant that I didn’t want to breastfeed. There was something in me that knew myself better than I did and that something was standing strong and resilient, I do not want to breastfeed. Temira, having a medical/scientific background supported me 100% from the beginning. She offered that there was no reason we couldn’t have a perfectly healthy formula fed baby. Of which there is research to support this.

Then a few weeks ago, as we started getting closer to the birth of our baby my resolve began to waiver.

Cue society and preconceived notions of what a mother ‘should’ be doing for their child. The advocacy for Breast is Best felt like it was being sung from every rooftop. Social interactions, parent forums, blogs, books, shops, midwives, the list of invasive advocates goes on and it is damn hard to get away from.

In an avalanche of emotion I began feeling compressed by the crushing weight of ‘mum guilt’. Am I making the right decision? Am I being selfish? Have I done enough research? Will I be judged? Am I putting our precious baby at risk? Am I short changing her? This emotional upheaval has been overwhelming (pregnancy hormones don’t help either!).

So I went back to the research drawing board... and this time, I looked with a different mindset. I was looking for positive affirmations that not only offer our baby a great outcome but also nurtured me, one of the mothers along the next stage of our journey. What good is it to give bub what she needs if it means I am going to start sinking and slipping behind? The best outcome should nuture not just bub, but me and also Temira as well. Obviously I don’t believe that Breast is Best is wrong. In fact I absolutely admire the mothers that breastfeed and the beautiful bond they share. I just appreciate that it isn’t the only way to nourish our little love AND create a lasting bond between us all.

These were some of the factors we took into account as a family to make this significant parenting decision...

Firstly, I haven’t had a great pregnancy. Even our OB admitted that whilst we are fortunate to be pregnant (and forever grateful) I have been unfortunate to experience almost every negative symptom a pregnancy could present. So with this in mind, my body is exhausted. It has fought a damn good fight and given its absolute everything to nourish our baby and sustain me in the process. Deciding to formula feed means my body gets time to heal. This is especially important to me with major c-section surgery only weeks away.

Pregnancy hasn’t just affected me physically, it has also been incredibly mentally challenging. From the moment we decided to have a baby my mind became a tactical assault course. Weighing up options, calculations, waiting on results, injecting myself with IVF treatment, finding out we were pregnant, losing a baby, trying to stay positive and mentally strong for our survivor, persevering through the many physical battles faced. Emotional gauntlet I tell you. And one that is not yet over. I’ve never been overly maternal so I haven’t spent much time around babies at all. In fact our neighbour recently had a beautiful baby boy and I cringed when I was asked if I wanted to hold him. I’m actually quite afraid of tiny humans and am afraid of the additional pressure to try and navigate breastfeeding whilst learning about our baby and healing from surgery. It’s all a hell of a lot on ones mental health...

Which brings me to my next point. How will I be a happy stable mother when I am constantly in a war against myself? Happy mummies equal a happy family. A happy family is the best environment to raise a beautiful newborn baby. Our daughter deserves both Temira and I at our best mentally and with fulfilment. That means as stress free as possible. And if that means I choose not to breastfeed, then so be it.

Formula feeding also gives us the incredible opportunity of 50/50 parenting. From the start. This is something that has been incredibly important to me. I have wanted my wife as involved as she can possibly get and FF is a brilliant way for us to share this journey.

Have we thought about pumping? You bet! Have I agonised over the research? Yep, sure bloody have! But honestly, what would make me feel more like a dairy cow? Nothing. I don’t want to be tied to a machine for any period of time when I could be up, playing with our daughter, or doing adult things that make me feel like I have a grip on my sense of self. I want to be as free spirited as I can be to fuel that positive mental energy and be the best mum I can be.

Is Formula an additional cost? Sure is! But what price would you put on your mental and physical well being? For me, and our family, that, is priceless. Something we have learnt through our own personal and couple challenges.

So for this family of 3 it will be bottle feeding all the way, and we are excited about it! Truely excited. We have a plan, we are open to the plan changing, but we have a plan. One that doesn’t leave us with uncertainty or anxiety. One that helps this mummy get at least 30 more minutes of sleep every night 😉

With love,

By two mums xx